Thursday, November 25, 2010

Internet? Can I play, please?

Happy almost-end-of-Thanksgiving, everybody!

So you want to know about me, eh? Many scholars and erstwhile poets have tried braving my icy front by capturing me in verse or essay format, but I feel they have fallen short. Not one of them has mentioned my love of those little chocolate covered pretzels with peanut butter stuffed inside them. So how can they possibly capture the essence of me?

I just graduated with an English degree, and my life has bloomed dramatically ever since. And by "just" I mean in June, and by "bloomed dramatically" I mean living with my folks looking for a job. I'm in an editing course right now, I am!

(Will you hire me? I'm good at things.)

But if you really want to know about me, you'll have to get used to the fact that I tend to babble on at great lengths about my random interests: old movies and the stars in them, food, a few cult TV shows here and there, The Big Lebowski, The Simpsons, Mystery Science Theater 3000, 30 Rock, Vladimir Nabokov, P.G. Wodehouse, and basically all things Liz Lemon, Marx Bros., George Sanders, Mr. Spock (old school Leonard Nimoy ftw!), Vivien Leigh, Willie Loomis, Elsa Lanchester, Michelle Pfeiffer, Buster Keaton, Dark Shadows, Pauline Kael, Venture Bros., internet hi-jinx.....

..........

And other junk, I guess.

Now I'm just going to throw a few things out there, and you can either succumb to my clunky genius or else feel slightly itchy and nauseous, like you just ate sushi from a questionable pre-packaged meal. Here they are:

1. I already posted this on facebook, but I really do believe Tuesday Weld is a lot like the naughty, evil, blond version of Audrey Hepburn. Just think about it.

2. A version of Pygmalian with George Sanders and Vivien Leigh would have been epic. Though lately, I've been thinking a lot about what other roles George Sanders could have played really well. Mr. Rochester in a version of Jane Eyre, for one. Lord Asriel in an actually good version of His Dark Materials. Mr. Boldwood in Far From the Madding Crowd. Throw out any others you can think of, it's fun and easy to do!

3. Mmm, as much as I love Johnny Depp, I personally think Ralph Fiennes would make a better Barnabas Collins in the upcoming Dark Shadows movie.

4. Come hell or high water, I will learn to cook some day! Except it's boring and I'd rather not.

Well, there you are. Still with me? Good. Because those who have swum these treacherous waters now must face the ultimate answer of who I really am inside, behind the bitter laughter and ageless beauty: